Archer on Bond
26th March 2016
Archer, from the animated show of the same name, gives us his take on some of the James Bond films
By MI6 Staff
Special agent Sterling Archer from the animated FX show 'Archer' has reviewed all of the James Bond films for Entertainment Weekly, to promote the new seventh season starting this week in the USA.
Below are some of Archer's other reviews. You can catch them all at EW.com.
"Bond is sent to recover two highjacked warheads in the Bahamas where he gets into an underwater battle that's nine minutes too long." LIKE: "The classic line where a woman in a bathtub asks Bond, '... would you mind giving me something to put on?' and he hands her a pair of heels. I tried that with Lana once and she stabbed me in the hand with a corkscrew." DISLIKE: "Bond gets thrown into a pool of sharks and doesn't fight a single one. Way to give the people what they want, Connery."
Diamonds Are Forever
"Bond is tasked with investigating a major diamond smuggling ring. He is given a case of diamonds and moves through the chain that leads him to the Whyte House in Vegas, shot on location with real alive prostitutes."
LIKE: "An elephant pulls a slot machine.
DISLIKE: "The scene where Bond escapes on a stolen 10 miles-per-hour moon buggy is even less enthralling than it sounds."
"Bond must stop Orlov, a renegade Soviet general with eight vaginas, from expanding Soviet borders by blowing up a U.S. airbase with a nuclear warhead."
LIKE: "Bond tells a tiger to 'sit' - and it does!"
DISLIKE: "Octopussy was given that nickname by her father. Ew."
Licence To Kill
"Bond becomes a rogue agent once he seeks to kill Sanchez, a drug lord who maimed his friend, CIA agent Felix Leiter, with a shark. He also raped and murdered Felix's wife (not with a shark)."
LIKE: "Do you want to see some guy's head explode in a diving chamber? Well, you're in luck."
DISLIKE: "What is Wayne Newton doing in this movie? Get him out of here, danke schön."
"Bond must stop a presumed dead MI6 agent from stealing money from the Bank of England via wire transfers before erasing their bank records. So non-confrontational. So British."
LIKE: "Bond steals a tank and plows through St. Petersburg. Then again, who hasn't?"
DISLIKE: "Good news for you synthesizer music lovers out there: it's in pretty much every scene."
The World Is Not Enough
"Bond must prevent a KGB-agent-turned-terrorist and an oil heiress from blowing up a submarine to increase the value of a pipeline. He is assisted by a nuclear physicist, Christmas Jones, who was named that so Pierce Brosnan could say at the end of the film, 'I thought Christmas only comes once a year.'"
LIKE: "Sunglasses that enable X-ray vision for finding concealed weapons but mostly lace lingerie."
DISLIKE: "Robbie Coltrane falls into a pit of caviar and acts upset? I'd take a book in there with me."
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